Awesum Luvr
by Applescruffs
Summary: DBZ boy band songfic of 2gether's "Awesum Luvr." Basically just making fun of anything and everything that came to mind- but it's pretty funny! Rated for mildly suggestive content. Read it if you need a laugh.


**A/N**: This songfic is purely for fun. I had a great time writing it- broke into fits of giggles every few lines, in fact! Almost every character is OOC (excepting Goku, sadly, and I suppose Bulma and Chi Chi), and for that I apologize only for my treatment of Gohan, because he's… just really unlike himself. I know he's not like that, and I didn't do it because I hate him; I'm really quite fond of him. But it's funny! Yes it is. And this is not simply a parody of DBZ, but also its fangirls, boy bands, their fangirls, and teenage girls in general. But it's okay because I am (or have been) in all of those categories. Except for DBZ, I've never been in that... or a boy band… Um, here's teen Goten with the disclaimer.

Goten: Me? Why? I'm not even in this story!

Applescruffs: _(pulls out frying pan)_ Just do it.

Goten: Uh, yes ma'am. Scruffy does not own DBZ or the song "Awesum Luvr," because she is poor and can't afford them. But if she did own them, this would be a DBZ special and not just a fanfic.

Applescruffs: Well done! See, that wasn't so bad, was it? _(glomp)_

Goten: Yeah… can I go home now?

Applescruffs: Not yet. I have to explain the time frame first. This is supposed to take place about five/ five-and-a-half years after the Cell games. So Gohan is about 14, Goku is dead, Goten's about 5, Marron is a few months old, and Chibi Trunks is about 6.

Goten: What's that got to do with anything?

Applescruffs: _(holds up frying pan menacingly)_ It's for reference, OK? Anyway, the song lyrics are in italics, and it's really helpful if you're familiar with the band 2gether, or at least their songs. And also if you know the behavior of teenage girls at a concert. That said, I toss you into a sea of silliness and plenty of fanservice!

* * *

**Awesum Luvr**

The arena was filled to overflowing with screaming teenage girls. This was _the_ musical even of the century, and tickets had been hard to come by. Each and every one of these girls had camped out for days, even weeks, to secure their seats. This group represented the most elite, dedicated, hard-core fangirls in all of boy bandom.

Without warning, the fluorescent arena lights went out, plunging the 124,000 teens into total darkness. The screaming increased, for they knew this could mean only one thing: it was time. An overhead spotlight flashed to life, illuminating a tall figure in the center of the stage.

"Yo yo yo!" the green man bellowed. "WhazzUP! P-Funk in da hizz-ouse!" This prompted cries of "Piccie-san!" and "Piccolo-sama!" from a large number of the crowd. "Hope y'alla ready to getcho freak o-o-o-o-on!" Pausing just long enough to wink at one girl, who promptly passed out, he continued. "Yeah yeah! Give it up fo' ma boys, ma homies… 'N SUNA-A-A-A-A!"

The screams reached a fever pitch as Piccolo disappeared into the mist that had been slowly spreading across the stage. An astounding display of pyrotechnics followed; no doubt some of the fireworks were actually ki blasts. Over the explosions, the familiar strains of a song could be heard. The frenzied screams grew even louder as the audience recognized, in wild anticipation, the intro to 'N SUNA's number-one hit.

_"Old people tell me I'm still too young_

_To take a lady's hand and give it the tongue."_

Hysterical girls surged forward, reaching out to grab hold of him. Stepping out of the smoke, Son Gohan grinned and continued singing.

_"What do they know about puberty? _

_About being fourteen and all filled with needs?"_

Fans closest to the stage began sobbing uncontrollably as he leaned forward and stretched his arm out to them. Someone threw a bra at him, and he caught it gleefully.

_"Mary Kay Letourneau f---ing knew the truth, _

_It's all the young dudes who've got the best moves, yeah!"_

Cries of "I love you, Gohan!" and "Marry me!" filled the air. Blowing kisses at his fans, he backed into the smoke to make way for his bandmate. Trunks fangirls rushed the stage as a lavender-headed teen came forward.

"_They call me the heartthrob, that wasn't my choice._

_I'm just a nice guy with a pretty dope voice."_

Several girls swooned as he ran a hand through his shoulder-length hair. Smirking rougishly, Mirai Trunks crouched down at the edge of the stage.

_"If you're a girl with humor and style_

_Come get with me and girl I'm gonna make you smile."_

He unbuttoned the front of his shirt, causing the first five rows to collapse in throes of ecstacy.

"_If you get scared, I'll take you by the hand,_

_I'll show you heaven, I will be your dream man!"_

Trunks took a few steps back while the other boys stepped forward. Now in a straight line, outlines clearly visible through the smoke, they sang in harmony.

_"Wanna be your awesum luvr!_

_Wanna be your number one man!_

_Wanna be your real heartbreaker!_

_The best luvr, best luvr, in all the land!"_

They danced, synchronized, in a frenzy of leather and chambray. The screams of their fans nearly drowned out the music, but still they sang on.

_"Wanna be your awesum luvr! Wanna be your awesum luvr! Luvr!_

_Awesum luvr!_

_The best luvr, best luvr, in all the land!"_

As four of the 'N SUNA members disappeared into the fog, the center man stepped forward. Wild spikes of black hair gleaming in the bright light, he began his solo.

_"Are you sick of guys who come on too strong? _

_Who just want to see you wearing a tight thong?"_

The Goku fangirls trampled the unconscious Trunks fans trying to get closer. Their idol looked slightly concerned at the bodies beneath their feet, but continued singing.

_"I don't even know what a thong is! _

_But I got an A+ on the Teen Charm quiz!"_

"Son-kun!" the girls cried, "I love you!" He just smiled pleasantly, thinking to himself how nice it was that he had been allowed to come back to Earth for the concert.

_"Sit back, relax, and I won't hit on you! _

_Just let yourself drown in my big baby bluuuuuues!"_

At that moment, the music cut out. The screams ceased as all wondered what was going on.

"Goku!" called an exasperated Chi Chi from offstage. "For the last time, your eyes are NOT BLUE!" Her husband blinked at her for a moment, then grinned and went Super Saiyan. She clapped a hand to her forehead as the girls roared in approval.

"Does he _really_ not know what a thong is?" Bulma asked her friend quietly, watching Chibi Trunks and Goten rush onto the stage and start breakdancing while the music was being sorted out.

Chi Chi scowled as though she was quite familiar with the question. "Unfortunately not. Slow learner." With a loud "Boo-yah!" Piccolo got the tunes going again, and the show continued.

_"OK, so I'm older than your average teen _

_But baby I will treat you just like a queen!"_

The brilliant light glinted off Krillin's bald head while he sang. Pointing out one of the girls, he stood smiling down at her until she fainted.

_"I'm wise and mature and so generous, too! _

_And I'll never use cuss words like hump or screw!"_

He smiled brightly as a call of "Monks make me hot!" reached his ears. He only wished they'd started the band back in his single days, when he could have gotten some dates out of it.

"_A smooth older man is just what you need,_

_'Cause lovin' is better at a way slower speed!"_

Krillin backed up to where the other four stood, and again they sang the chorus as a group.

_"Wanna be your awesum luvr!_

_Wanna be your number one man!_

_Wanna be your real heartbreaker!_

_The best luvr, best luvr, in all the land!"_

Cheers and catcalls redoubled as the Trunks fangirls slowly came to and joined in. The floor in front of the stage was becoming increasingly crowded as more and more girls succumbed to their glomping instincts.

_"Wanna be your awesum luvr!_

_Wanna be your awesum luvr! Luvr!_

_Awesum luvr!_

_The best luvr, best luvr, in all the land!"_

Wave upon wave of bodies pushed forward. The stands were now nearly half empty, so many of them had dashed out onto the floor. Chief of Security Yamcha was supposed to have been preventing that, but he had picked up one of the fangirls and was currently becoming better acquainted with her in his office.

The last member of 'N SUNA stepped to center stage, gold medallions shining brightly. He had taken off his gauzy shirt a while earlier, and now threw it into the audience.

"_Some ladies like guys who treat them like crap,_

_Has lots of tattoos and is all into rap."_

The girls who were not fighting over the scraps of his shirt like rabid wolves began climbing over one another to get closer to him. "Vegeta-sama!" they cried. "Veggie-chan, I love you!" He just smirked.

_"Guess what, that's me! Your own gangsta toy! _

_If you're the kind of girl who loves a real bad boooooy!"_

Deafening shrieks drowned out the music momentarily, and then all five boys emerged from the smoke to sing together once more.

_"Wanna be your, wanna be your_

_Awesum luvr!_

_Wanna be your number one man!_

_Wanna be your real heartbreaker!_

_The best luvr, best luvr, in all the land!"_

Now all 124,000 fans were down on the floor, kicking and scratching their way to the stage. The screams, even from the girls being trampled by their fellows, were ones of utter joy.

_"Wanna be your awesum luvr!_

_Wanna be your awesum luvr! Luvr!_

_Awesum luvr!_

_The best luvr, best luvr, in all the land!"_

As the big finale, each 'N SUNA member let off a series of ki blasts. Three pelvic thrusts later, all but 12 of the most level-headed fans lay in a drooling, incoherent heap.

_"Wanna be your awesum luvr!"_

With a final pelvic thrust, the last fans standing were overwhelmed, collapsing in raptures, and the arena fell silent. Proud of a job well done, the boys cried, "'N SUNA 4-EVA!" and shared a group hug before quitting the stage.

* * *

Applescruffs: Well, I hope you liked it. I just loved thinking of Mirai Trunks catering to fangirls like that. _(grin)_ Please R&R, even if you have nothing nice to say. I just want opinions! 

Goten: Yeah, please R&R, because I'm sick of having to tell her that it's funny. Help me!


End file.
